When Success Feels Unsafe: The Hidden Patterns That Hold Us Back

I remember being pulled out of competitive running when I was in primary school. My Nan told me it would be too much for me.

I was devastated. Running was one of the only things that made me feel fully in control, where my brain could quiet down, and I could just be. Later, I found out a state coach had actually approached my Nan, wanting me to join their team. But that would have meant financial commitment, transport logistics—things my grandparents simply couldn’t manage. They didn’t drive. They were on a tight budget. I was a public transport girlie, and this opportunity was just… impossible.

The thing is, I didn’t know that at the time.

Instead, I told myself a different story: I wasn’t capable. I wasn’t good enough. That’s why she pulled me out.

This wasn’t the first time.

When my teachers suggested I take part in an exchange program to Japan because I was excelling at the language, my Nan said no. It would be too scary for me. What I heard? I’m not smart enough to go.

Time and time again, I got great at something, got noticed, and then - denied.

I started internalising a belief I didn’t even realise was forming: If I succeed, it will be taken away.

So, I stopped sharing my wins.

The lead role I landed in the school play? I kept hush.

The races I won on sports day? I kept silent.

The tests I aced? I kept hidden.

Because what was the point of celebrating something that would never be allowed to last?

It took me years to unlearn this. To recognise that these moments weren’t proof of my inadequacy - but proof of circumstances beyond my control. My worth, my talent, my intelligence weren’t the problem. And yet, the belief that they were ran deep.

And I see this all the time in the clients I work with.

High achievers who downplay their success. Who reach a certain level and suddenly feel uneasy, like something bad is about to happen. Who hesitate to take up space, speak their truth, or even admit to themselves what they really want. Because somewhere along the way, they internalised a story:

Success isn’t safe.

Maybe for you, it wasn’t about being pulled out of a sport or missing out on an overseas trip. Maybe it was a parent who only ever focused on what you could do better, so you learned that no achievement was ever enough. Maybe it was feeling like your wins made others uncomfortable, so you started shrinking yourself to make others feel okay.

Whatever it was, those beliefs don’t just disappear. They show up in your business, your relationships, your leadership.

They show up in that gut-punch of anxiety when you hit a new level of success.

In the way you struggle to share your wins, even with people who love you.

In the way you self-sabotage just when things are getting too good.

I get it. I’ve walked that path. And I know how hard it is to untangle those deep-seated patterns.

But I also know this: you don’t have to keep carrying that story.

Success is safe. You are allowed to be seen. Your achievements do belong to you.

And if you don’t believe that yet, that’s okay. I’ll help you get there.